Uncertainty

(photo credit:  Amazon River/ Internationalrivers.org)

Yesterday I walked too far.  Well everything is relative, so perhaps "too far" is subjective.  I walked a kilometer and a half.  I think that's pretty far for Day 16 after major surgery. I really hadn't meant to walk that far, but I calculated the distance of our route incorrectly and it was a beautiful day.  Before I knew it, Little Man, L and I were trudging up a steep hill in the boiling sun.  By the time we got back home, there was a dull pang in my groin, so I took the additional painkiller and took a nap. 

I could still feel the ache when I woke up this morning and again I tried to ignore it.  Surely I just over-did yesterday's walk and pulled some long-unused muscle.  However the pain and more than that, that niggly feeling persisted. 

For years before the arthritis diagnosis, I had a terrible pain in my groin. That was one of my primary symptoms.  That was really the biggest deterrent to walking. Most of the doctors and physical therapists I saw attributed it to lower back issues.  I know that my
L5-S1 vertebrae are too close together and it's possible that they are pinching a nerve down there causing the pain in my groin. 

I know I have written about this previously, but when I was debating about whether or not to go ahead with the THR, one of my biggest fears was that I'd go through the entire process only to find that it was something else entirely which caused the pain and prevented me from walking. 

Before the surgery, I figured my fear was irrational but now I am afraid that my worst nightmare is coming true.  Did I go through all of this for nothing?  Is the pain in my groin from another source?  Will it continue?  Will it prevent me from recovering completely?  Is it just a sore, pulled muscle that I haven't used in years?  Is it a pinched nerve?  Is it all in my head?  Am I expecting too much from my body too soon? 

Probably the smart thing to do would be to call the surgeon and ask him whether or not it's possible to do too much?  But while I was in the hospital, he told me to walk as much as possible so I can imagine what his response will be.  The PT lady, on the other hand, seems to take more stock in the exercises and less so in the walking.  I tend to side with the doctor, even though in my experience, doctors are usually more concerned with the process than with the recovery.  Looking on the internet is also not terribly helpful.  More than anything there seem to be a lot of odious, old people complaining.  I don't want to be party to their negative energy.  In short, I am confused and feeling a measure of uncertainty.

I know that this process is a long journey which, like a river, meanders back and forth with regressions as well as forward flowing motion.  You can move a long way along the river without progressing at all.

In actuality, the current pain is not nearly as bad as it was before the operation; it's just a little twinge in comparison.  But I can't help but be nervous.  To be on the safe side, I didn't walk much today.  Just to the local cafe and back.  For now, I'm just trying to be patient (not my forte) and rest those muscles as much as possible.

Hopefully my next blog entry will be more positive.  Who knows what lies around the next bend in the river?